Day 20 of 33

We go into tech rehearsals tomorrow, so we took another easy day in rehearsal. It is rather unconventional to begin tech at the end of the week, because it can be a grueling process, but that is how everything lined up for us. Today was our last day by ourselves in the rehearsal space, so we simply did some scenework and then ran the play again. Again, everyone reiterates that it seems to be in very good shape.

I've grown increasingly frustrated with my position in my career. Not in regards to the process out here, which I am enjoying tremendously, but with the realization that I have nothing to come back to. I now have a great Assistant Director credit to add to my resume, but it only gets me so far. I started to apply for a directing fellowship for new directors, but they want a reference from a theatre professional who can evaluate my directing. I can come up with something, maybe, but it would be a stretch.

If I had done work that a "theatre professional" had seen, and I felt it was good enough to be critiqued, then what would I need a new directors fellowship for? Wouldn't that make me a theatre professional?

It is frustrating because there is no good track to get where I want to go. There are no entry level jobs in directing, and I find myself playing the endless game of Chicken-and-Egg (you know, which one comes first?).

As I go through the business, I find more and more people connected with the Yale Drama Program. When I went out with the director and designers the other day (who had all gone to Yale) I mentioned that I was looking into the program. The Lighting Designer responded "For Directing, where else is there?". He was being completely honest with this question and not facetious. There are a couple of other good programs, but that question really shows how important a degree from Yale is.

Now I feel like I need to rush to build enough credits and references just to be able to apply to Yale in December. Their website says they want my resume to show at least two years of professional directing outside of college. If I had two years of professional directing, what the hell would I need graduate school for?! However, I worked with a director at Shakespeare Theatre of NJ who got into Yale Directing program directly out of college, so I'm not sure how strict they are with that and how much they just put that to scare people off.

It just continues to overwhelm me that it should be so difficult for me. I know that I am smart enough, talented enough, and hard-working enough to work as a director. I have to know that in my heart or I can't go on. I just can't get there fast enough.